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| So that test I was talking about awhile back
Results were good
Praise The Lord
In other news, I miss being able to sleep
I miss life being simple
Simplicity is good stuff
I miss the days when I just didn't care
That was good stuff
Now that the hecticness that was November and December are done
I am going to get back to regularly going to the gym
That's good stuff
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| The past two months have been hard
Confusing, stressful, painful
And the past week, even worse
Everytime I go to bed, I'm thinking "tomorrow will be better"
It's fucking not
Things are worse
Today was really difficult
And now I'm sitting here, and I don't think tomorrow will be better
I mean, I sure hope it'll be better than today, and it should be
But it's not going to be better than this past week, it's not going to better than the past two months
This week is going to be hard
And the whole month probably
But tonight, I have a feeling that it's going to be alright
I just remembered some things that I'd forgotten, and I know now it'll be alright
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| There's nothing (that I've experienced) that will make you dwell on past mistakes quite like getting a HIV test
It's gonna be a long week
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| In late winter of 2007 I was at a party at Joe's brother's house
I had a specific goal in mind
And a perfect plan to reach said goal
Then, I got a phone call that changed everything
A friend, a very special and dear friend, called me to talk about some problems they were having
We talked for a bit, talked about life and about God
When we got off the phone, I abandoned my plan
That phone call changed everything
And since then, I've been grateful for the phone call
However, if I knew then what I know now, I'd have never answered the phone
My plan would've gone off without a hitch
And things would be pretty much perfect
Lately I've been quite, I dunno the word
Emotionless, almost
It's like there's no ups or downs, no joy or sadness
These emotions are there, and I'm aware of them
But they don't break the surface, they're very muted, I'm aware, but unaffected
Cept anger
Anger breaks through the calmness, breaks the surface and I am affected
But five minutes later, all is back to how it was
It's, well it's kind of wonderful
There's this book I bought awhile back
Never opened it
But really, really wanted to read it
Almost everyday since I got it I've seen it sitting there on my bookshelf and I've longed to read it
Last night, I was dressing for work and I noticed it
And, I didn't feel that longing to read it
Indeed, I felt like I didn't ever want to read it
Or maybe, it was more like, I don't care either way if it gets read or not
I must say that was kinda joyful (but muted, see above)
And then this morning, I saw it again as I was dressing after my shower
And I realized that everything has changed in the past two weeks
I just don't care anymore
And it's fucking wonderful
If you don't care
Nothing can really drag you down
Course nothing can really bring you up
But that's okay
This is good
Now, if only I had some more whiskey
Then life would be perfect
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| 
Know who owns that?
I don't either
But I sure want it
However, it's on the wootoff right night, $70
And, I am being responsible enough to not buy it
GO ME
Gonna regret this the rest of my life, or until I get a better watch
In other news
I'm not very happy with myself or my life lately
Not really happy about anything
Dreading Christmas
Dreading the new years
Dreading the year to come
I really have nothing to say, as usual
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